Lesley Anne Co
Level 2 Student, Ocean Sky Chan Monastery
In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, I always find myself rushing and with a million thoughts of things I need to get done. I always seem to be chasing after something, and it just never ends. Sometimes I get it done, maybe not perfectly, but just for the sake of ticking a box and saying I got it done. There is not as much care or thought put into things as I would have wanted, due to lack of time and attention.
Admitting that I do not have a calm mind and am not in samadhi is the first step in correcting this. Maybe if I had cleared my mind of the distractions and looked more closely at one task, I would have thought of a better way to resolve it. I must say, I am far from perfect and have a lot of judgements and biases towards things and people. These tend to play a big factor in my decision-making, even at work. An example of this is when I am about to decide on a critical work-related task. Sometimes I get clouded by my preconceived notions about people and it can be hard to convince me otherwise.
If I can be free from all my judgements and notions, I will be able to see the bigger picture instead of looking at only a slice of it. In hindsight, we often see the lessons the past has taught us, but by then it is already too late. It was because at that point in time, we made our decision just by looking at only one piece of the puzzle. Yet when we are past it and at a farther distance, we are able to see clearly the whole piece and what could have been done better suddenly becomes so simple and clear.
Learning to detach and step back, to pause and breathe, is one tool that I find useful whenever my mind becomes too busy and noisy. It takes a conscious effort though to do this especially when faced with pressure and tight deadlines. I sometimes catch myself and have to remind myself to slow down and to concentrate on only one thing. Because that one thing can be very important, and has to be dealt with much care and attention to attain the best outcome. The end result that comes from prajna, which stems from samadhi, is freedom from all my emotions and biases. Being rash and impulsive will surely lead me to the wrong path and lead to an unfavorable outcome.
Of course, these are all ideal scenarios that do not happen to me every day in every encounter. I fail a lot of times, probably even more times than I succeed, and I often get trapped in my emotions and the endless cycle of rushing and finishing tasks. I know that I need to continue working on it and must have a heightened sensitivity to my surroundings so that I can correct it. I am, as I said, not perfect, and will always continue to be a work in progress. But as long as I continue to see improvements, whether big or small, I count it as a win towards being a better version of myself.
I will not be a Buddha in this life nor in my next, but if I can do something to better my life in the present and the lives of the people around me, then I would say that I have been successful and I have made some meaning with the life that has been given to me.