文／美國佛寶寺英文研經班學員 Cara Berman

　　I have found the breath-counting technique to be very helpful in my meditation practice. After settling in to my posture and drawing my attention inward, I become aware of my breath. Breathing is the most natural activity of living, and we do it all the time unaware of its flow through our bodies. By focusing my awareness on my exhale, and counting its length, I become grounded in my body and the present moment. I am able to pay attention to how my body feels and any unconscious areas of tension or stress.

　　Once I am settled into my posture and aware of my breathing, I start to notice my thoughts. My mind loves to categorize the day, what I have done and what else I need to do. Sooner or later I realize that I have forgotten my breath, and go back to counting my out breath. Usually what arises next for me are emotional responses to events past or anticipating the future. Perhaps I had an argument that week that was upsetting. As the emotion threatens to derail my meditation I recognize it as yet another form of thought and return my attention to the breath.

　　I have come to realize that I am not my thoughts, my real essence lies in the awareness that I notice between my thoughts, the space in between. As a Westerner this is a very foreign concept but one that I experience as I practice breath-counting meditation. It is as if the thoughts are a cage and my awareness a key to unlocking the door to freedom. I feel that our thoughts give us such a narrow construct of what life is, and if one is in challenging circumstances it is easy to become discouraged and to feel powerless to change your life. Meditation is the key to realizing the power each person has to perceive their life differently, with kindness and courage.

　　Perhaps the most important aspect of myself I have developed since studying breath-counting meditation is that I am less judgmental of others and it is easier to notice when I get caught up in reacting to events. I can notice and cut through my ego's defensiveness and realize that I have control over my emotions, they do not rule me. Sometimes it takes me a while to come to this awareness, but it is much more often than I used to!

　　Practicing breath-counting meditation and coming to class at Buddha Jewel Monastery has opened these doors of perception for me, so that I can catch a glimpse of the freedom and joy that is inherent in each moment. I am very thankful for the opportunity to study meditation at Buddha Jewel Monastery!

　　（我發現數息對靜坐很有幫助。當我把姿勢調整好，把心往內收後，我開始覺知呼吸。呼吸是生活中最自然的動作，我們一直在呼吸，卻沒有覺察到氣息在體內流動。當我專注於數息時，我能回到當下，將注意力拉回到身體，覺知身體的感覺，以及平常沒注意到的緊張或壓力。

　　當我的姿勢安定了，也注意到呼吸了，我開始覺察到我的念頭。我的腦海喜歡把這一天的事歸類，分成已經做完或還沒做的事兩大類。但遲早總會發現自己忘了數息，便又回到數息。通常接下來會起的念頭，便是對已經過去的事件生起情緒或是預期未來，例如這週因吵架而生氣等；當情緒威脅到我的靜坐時，我認清它只是另一個念頭，然後注意力再回到呼吸上。

　　我了解到我的念頭不代表「我」。我的真正本質是我的覺性，而我能在念頭跟念頭之間察覺到覺性。這對西方人來說是一個很陌生的觀念，但是我在靜坐數息時可以體會到。念頭好比是一個籠子，覺性則能打開籠門，讓自己重獲自由。念頭，讓我們對生命的認知變得狹隘，讓我們在面臨考驗時，很容易感到挫敗及無力去改變命運。靜坐能讓我們體證人人本具的那份力量，進而用不同的角度，以慈悲及勇氣看待生命。

　　對我而言，修習數息觀最重要的改變就是我對別人的批判減少了，也更容易覺察到自己對事情的制約反應，能夠覺察並覺照到我的自我防衛心，並了解到我可以作情緒的主人，而不是被情緒所控制。有時候需要一段時間覺性才會現前，但比以前好多了。

　　修習數息觀及到佛寶寺上禪修班，為我打開了一扇覺性的門，讓我瞥見每一剎那本具的自由及喜悅。很感恩有機會在佛寶寺學習靜坐！）