文／美国佛宝寺英文研经班学员 Cara Berman

　　I have found the breath-counting technique to be very helpful in my meditation practice. After settling in to my posture and drawing my attention inward, I become aware of my breath. Breathing is the most natural activity of living, and we do it all the time unaware of its flow through our bodies. By focusing my awareness on my exhale, and counting its length, I become grounded in my body and the present moment. I am able to pay attention to how my body feels and any unconscious areas of tension or stress.

　　Once I am settled into my posture and aware of my breathing, I start to notice my thoughts. My mind loves to categorize the day, what I have done and what else I need to do. Sooner or later I realize that I have forgotten my breath, and go back to counting my out breath. Usually what arises next for me are emotional responses to events past or anticipating the future. Perhaps I had an argument that week that was upsetting. As the emotion threatens to derail my meditation I recognize it as yet another form of thought and return my attention to the breath.

　　I have come to realize that I am not my thoughts, my real essence lies in the awareness that I notice between my thoughts, the space in between. As a Westerner this is a very foreign concept but one that I experience as I practice breath-counting meditation. It is as if the thoughts are a cage and my awareness a key to unlocking the door to freedom. I feel that our thoughts give us such a narrow construct of what life is, and if one is in challenging circumstances it is easy to become discouraged and to feel powerless to change your life. Meditation is the key to realizing the power each person has to perceive their life differently, with kindness and courage.

　　Perhaps the most important aspect of myself I have developed since studying breath-counting meditation is that I am less judgmental of others and it is easier to notice when I get caught up in reacting to events. I can notice and cut through my ego's defensiveness and realize that I have control over my emotions, they do not rule me. Sometimes it takes me a while to come to this awareness, but it is much more often than I used to!

　　Practicing breath-counting meditation and coming to class at Buddha Jewel Monastery has opened these doors of perception for me, so that I can catch a glimpse of the freedom and joy that is inherent in each moment. I am very thankful for the opportunity to study meditation at Buddha Jewel Monastery!

　　（我发现数息对静坐很有帮助。当我把姿势调整好，把心往内收后，我开始觉知呼吸。呼吸是生活中最自然的动作，我们一直在呼吸，却没有觉察到气息在体内流动。当我专注于数息时，我能回到当下，将注意力拉回到身体，觉知身体的感觉，以及平常没注意到的紧张或压力。

　　当我的姿势安定了，也注意到呼吸了，我开始觉察到我的念头。我的脑海喜欢把这一天的事归类，分成已经做完或还没做的事两大类。但迟早总会发现自己忘了数息，便又回到数息。通常接下来会起的念头，便是对已经过去的事件生起情绪或是预期未来，例如这周因吵架而生气等；当情绪威胁到我的静坐时，我认清它只是另一个念头，然后注意力再回到呼吸上。

　　我了解到我的念头不代表“我”。我的真正本质是我的觉性，而我能在念头跟念头之间察觉到觉性。这对西方人来说是一个很陌生的观念，但是我在静坐数息时可以体会到。念头好比是一个笼子，觉性则能打开笼门，让自己重获自由。念头，让我们对生命的认知变得狭隘，让我们在面临考验时，很容易感到挫败及无力去改变命运。静坐能让我们体证人人本具的那份力量，进而用不同的角度，以慈悲及勇气看待生命。

　　对我而言，修习数息观最重要的改变就是我对别人的批判减少了，也更容易觉察到自己对事情的制约反应，能够觉察并觉照到我的自我防卫心，并了解到我可以作情绪的主人，而不是被情绪所控制。有时候需要一段时间觉性才会现前，但比以前好多了。

　　修习数息观及到佛宝寺上禅修班，为我打开了一扇觉性的门，让我瞥见每一刹那本具的自由及喜悦。很感恩有机会在佛宝寺学习静坐！）