| 中 台 山 月 刊 119 期 |
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| 本期主題：當逆境來敲門 |
| 失望中看見希望
文╱美國佛門寺研經班學員 Liz Whiteford Before studying Buddhism, I spent a lifetime reacting out of fear and anxiety. My only hope was that adverse circumstances would change as quickly as possible so that the anxiety in the pit of my stomach would disappear (until the next time). I believed that the safest way to live was to take the least amount of chance and prepare for every eventuality. I was full of envy as I looked at other people who seemed to sail through life without any conflict or regret while every challenge became an obstacle for me. There are several principles of Buddhism that have begun to change my attitude about adversity: causality, Middle Way reality, tolerance, and impermanence. To accept that present circumstances (effect) are a result of previous actions (cause) answers the previously unanswerable question of ”why do bad things happen to good people？”Now, I no longer ask ”why me？”From that point on, I have learned to go forward with the elements of the Eightfold Path so that I can develop good karma for the future. In other words, I no longer waste time wondering why adversity comes to me, but, instead, I focus on how I can create good cause now for a good future effect. In the middle of an adverse situation, I try to practice Middle Way reality by neither ignoring the situation nor becoming totally engaged in it. I do the best I can to deal with circumstances without becoming dragged down into anxiety and despair. I'm not always successful but, now, I can observe when my mind wants to take me down the old, familiar path and I attempt to react in a different mindful way. I'm finally beginning to understand that through the practice of sitting meditation, which trains us to bring our minds to a calm, focused place, I can move my mind away from useless thoughts of anxiety and confusion toward a more serene state. And, instead of wishing for adversity to go away as quickly as possible, I try to tolerate and show patience toward it. I no longer see adversity as an enemy but as an opportunity to practice tolerance. Impermanence has taught me that all things in life will change-sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. In the middle of a crisis, this helps me to accept and to know that it will eventually change or end whether by my actions or the actions of an outside force. This has given me hope when, at times in the past, I had none. Several years ago, my family moved to San Francisco from the East Coast where we had lived for many years. We intellectually understood that this undertaking would be difficult but we were not prepared for the emotional suffering we would face. Our jobs were not satisfactory, we had few friends, we missed the family we left behind and we regretted having moved so far away. Coincidentally, I found Buddha Gate Monastery only three miles from our house and, having wanted to explore Buddhism for a long time, I began to take classes and attend ceremonies. It wasn't long before I realized that Buddhism offers an entirely different way of approaching life and managing adversity. In a short while, I could begin to see how the principles mentioned above could be used to improve my situation. I am coming to terms with our move without regret, trying to be more tolerant of our situation as I know it will change, and being hopeful about the future. （學佛前，我對逆境的反應大多是害怕與不安，我唯一希望的是，外在的逆境趕快改變，這樣，我腹中的不安就會消失──直到下一次逆境出現前。我相信，最安全的生活方式，就是降低意外發生的機率，並準備好面對所有可能發生的事。當我看到其他人在人生的旅程中似乎沒什麼衝突與悔恨，而每個挑戰對我卻變成障礙的時候，真是令我充滿羨慕。然而，學佛之後，佛法的真理──因果、中道實相、忍辱及無常，已開始改變我對逆境的態度。 因果的道理解答了我過去的疑問：「為什麼壞事會發生在好人身上？」現在，我不再問：「為什麼是我？」我學習用八正道持續前進，為未來創造善果。換言之，我不再浪費時間執著於探討「為什麼逆境發生在我身上？」而是專注於如何在因地創造善因，使將來得到善果。 在逆境中，我試著練習中道，既不是忽視它，也不是完全被它占據。面對事件時，我儘量不讓自己被不安和失望分心。這個方法並不是每次都奏效，但現在我觀察到，當心念又要把自己拉回過去熟悉的模式時，我就會試圖用其他方式回應。我終於開始了解，靜坐能訓練靜心專注，讓自己的心從混亂不安等毫無用處的想法當中，轉為較平靜的狀態。我也不再期待逆境趕快過去，而是練習忍耐。我不再把逆境當作敵人，而是將它視為一個修習忍辱的機會。 「無常」教導我：人生的所有事情都會改變，有時變好，有時變壞。這個道理給予我希望，因為過去的我不是這麼想的。在危機當中，「無常」的道理讓我接受與了解：不管是由於我的努力或外力使然，一切的逆境終究會改變或是結束的。 數年前，我從住了很久的東岸搬到舊金山。我們早就預估要承擔許多困難，但我們卻沒有準備面對心理上的煩惱。我們的工作並不如意，朋友也很少，我們想念過去的家，後悔搬到這麼遠的地方。當時，因緣際會之下，我認識了離家三哩路的佛門寺。由於早想一探佛法究竟，我開始上課、參加法會。沒多久，我了解到，佛法提供了一個完全不同的人生觀及處理逆境的方法。經過短短的時間，我開始看到自己運用上述的道理來改善目前的處境。我現在安於搬家這件事實，不懊悔、多忍耐，我知道它會改變的。對於未來，我充滿希望！） |